[14 Feb 2006|10:15pm] This week in modern novel we are reading Charlie and the Chocolate Factory! ! I want a cake with pink frosting. And some ribs. And more. 1 put their gun to my head|this is only wishful thinking

[14 Feb 2006|08:33pm] I was just thinking, maybe reminising, about how lovely and great the printshop is in the spring time. Leave the door open; let the wind blow in warm soft nice. Make a smelly print, wash your hands with coarse green soap, stand outside on the muddywet sidewalk and look at the design center in the nice fun sun. And then there's the courtyard locked in the middle of the art building, with flowers and grass and concrete letters and a thick tree and some nice cement. this is only wishful thinking

[02 Feb 2006|11:38pm] Well, my dog died today. I'm pretty very upset and I keep thinking about all the things she did that I'll never see again. She was really sick two weeks ago and then got better all of a sudden, and had been better for about a week and mom and dad and I were so so happy (especially dad, it was something I'd never seen), and then today she suddenly she died while my mom was at aerobics. Great way to die. While mom's at aerobics. It's funny because the other day some lady was talking about how you should say "Rabbit Rabbit" the first time you speak on the 1st day of a month and it's supposed to give you good luck. Well I did it for the first time ever on Wednesday and I've been getting shit on ever since. Mom said, a few weeks ago when I was pretty upset again about most things, that things could only get better from there. Well she was wrong and my dog is dead and what's next bring it on fuck you fuck Nikka I love you 4 put their gun to my head|this is only wishful thinking

[20 Jan 2006|01:35pm] some boys I knowthey speak with broken mouthsI have to sit within their stomach to find out what they are really aboutbut not like the dayswhen the sky was blueand all that I had was a little of meand a little of you this is only wishful thinking

[18 Jan 2006|12:20am] fly! fly fly fly fly! And take me with you! Take me with you! 110705 fly fly fly This day, that day, in particular, this day was a very nice day. This day was average until the night; it was a little warmer than I had remembered other nights to be, before and after. Well I parked my car and there were lights shining down from street lights and it illuminated the tree(s) and I climbed it and looked and I found it and my insides violently exclaimed (but silently) and I smiled so hard and knew I'd remember that for ever forever. And I drove and the first song of a cd played and it was majestic and proud and the roads were dark and twisty and that equaled s o h a p p y y Oh, and let's remember that this year was the year that it was my birthday; I had a blue cake and then we ate it off these blue plates 1 put their gun to my head|this is only wishful thinking

[16 Jan 2006|11:36pm] I think that you are dead. this is only wishful thinking

[16 Jan 2006|12:49am] While exploring past created documents on my computer: a Word document entitled "When patterns are broken." I had never seen this document before, let alone had I created this. Open: "When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge." – Tuli Kupferberg. Not only did this make me think/realize/etc, but I also wondered who created this in the first place? Not to sound like a corny whatever, but finding something secret and hidden like this out of the blue (most cherished moments ever) this night, after several days of contemplating how very dull and monotonous life seems to be, has changed my outlook on some areas of some things. Of course. Give a brain something new to contemplate and new ideas and feelings and worlds will evolve. So, good for me. Whoever cut and pasted the quote onto that document: ,I think I know who, some sort of thanks. School starts up again in a day or so. I'm interested to see what happens with me in regards to learning, friends, hobbies, work. Last semester was great, most of it, and I learned a lot from teachers and friends and I'm grateful for every minute of it, no matter how bad some minutes were. I find it interesting to think way back (the whole four months) to September .. and then think of how very different most things are presently. I've gone from completely unemployed (for a better part of my life) to getting an awesomeawesome job I wouldn't change for anything,, I've had, simply put, a two-weeks-short-of-semester-long friendship with someone that taught me and gave me pretty much more (intelligence, memories, fun, horror, 'philosophies') than I've gotten out of most other relationships I've had in the past. (The best part about those two things is that they both happened within about two days of each other, making a September that I'll always remember.) This semester has also gotten me very excited about school-related things/my career to come in the near future. Here's to the next half of my year. 2 put their gun to my head|this is only wishful thinking

[05 Jan 2006|04:07pm] London is cold but nice. I am staying in a very posh flat that is located on the south bank of the River Thames. To the left of me is the Shakespeare Globe Theater; a little further left is the Tate Modern Museum of Art and in front of that, the Millenium Bridge. In front of me, across the river, is St. Paul's cathedral (a perfect and spectacular view from our balcony on the fifth floor). To the right of me is the London Bridge (-s falling down, falling down, falling down); a little further to the right is the Tower Bridge and across the river the Tower of London. Holy god. What more could you ask for. We visited all of these places since we got here on Tuesday, as well as the amazing Design Museum down the way a bit from the Tower Bridge. It's pretty unbelieveable, the area that we're in, and it's been quite the trip so far. Tomorrow we will travel to Victoria & Albert Museum to see some more art. Things are very nice here but not that much different from that of Connecticut in some respects. The weather's the same, the language is basically the same. I was discussing earlier with friends that I am finding out more and more after each visit to major cities that I am not the city-type of person that I once thought I was. Mostly everything is too hectic and impersonal here. I prefer a more relaxed, laid back environment where you do not to be dealing with walking and traveling and people constantly. That said, I think I no longer would like to study abroad here in London next year. The search for a country must still continue I suppose, and I am very glad that I came to London this month and I am enjoying it very much but I now know this is not the place for me long-term. I'm probably a little bit homesick as well. Oh well. 1 put their gun to my head|this is only wishful thinking

[02 Jan 2006|03:34pm] BYE bye I'm going to London! 1 put their gun to my head|this is only wishful thinking

[22 Dec 2005|12:24pm] Well, let's see. Winter break has been everything I expected it to be and more.. absolutely worthless. Things aren't the same anywhere I go and of course I am bothered by this a great deal. The one place I could count on always to come back to and enjoy and be happy at, home, has also changed. How upsetting. I think it's me. And a mixture of other things. But mostly me. Fuck me I got all of my grades from last semester and suprisingly, I did quite well. I thought I was going to Fail art history but I got a B-, the worst grade on my report card. My gpa only went down .1 so that's spectacular I'm still a genious. I think I still really miss doug and that sucks and is scary. I don't know why I'm not getting over him as efficiently as I have been getting over people in the last year or two. I also am having nightly dreams with him in them and I certainly do not like the way I feel when I wake up in the morning which, in turn, basically ruins my chances of being in a good mood for the rest of the day weekmonthfuck. Merry shit Christmas that's all I have to say 2 put their gun to my head|this is only wishful thinking

[17 Dec 2005|11:46pm] Well, school is over. It's good to sit at home all day and know that I have absoultely nothing to worry about; no papers no projects no studying no driving to school no swiping for meals. I can relaaax, but hope that my relaxing does not quickly turn into bordem. Tonight, I was reading a book upstairs and my dad was downstairs using the internet. Then he yelled "LINDSEY! I need your help come here!" So I went downstairs, and he was about to type an email. He had "Dear Rob" written so far. He said, "Now, how do I get the email to go down to the next line, underneath 'Dear Rob'?" HaHaHAHAHAHahahahahah. I said "Press enter, dad" and exited. omg. Tomorrow: chopping down our Christmas tree, milk punchin party, getting my aunt and cousin from the airport hoorraay this is only wishful thinking

[15 Dec 2005|06:08pm] So, today was nice. Matthew Weber looked like he was going to barf and/or cry during our whole sculpture crit. I wish he was happier on our last day together! I'm really going to miss him making fun of me every Tuesday and Thursday. The digital media crit was alright. My magazine book thing was really precious and cute compared to other people's stuff, and I'm pretty proud of my finished product. I made two finished copies of it, covers and all, but I gave one to Jed and one to Doug/ I don't even know if he got it ha ha ..ugh. I'm making two more copies this weekend because I like it so much, and I will give them to more and more people. Gotta go study bye! this is only wishful thinking

[15 Dec 2005|09:36am] OH MY god My last exam (art hist) is Friday morning at 10:30 There's freaking 100% chance of freezing rain that morning and 80% chance of 1 inch of snow and stuff the night before. If school closes down, I don't take my exam until SUNDAY morning. HORRIBLE I just want togo home :( And if that happens, my stupid teacher will probably expect us to do really well on the test since we have more time to study, aah I hope I can please her. guhdgshkdfkjs this is only wishful thinking

[14 Dec 2005|11:11pm] Every body hates every body you wouldn't even know it Every body lies lies lieeees I can't even believe it ! How naive I am. How stupid ha ha anyways, I was driving around my parking lot today, and I saw a long sticker across the top of a Jeep's windshield. The text was upsidedown and read: IF YOU CAN READ THIS, FLIP ME OVER! hahahahahahhahahahahaifnfsdgaaaaaaa fucking genious and hilarious! Oh my god. I can't stop laughing in real life aaah. So cute! so good hhahaah I love it so much. Ok and my day gets better: I was walking back from an exam and I was gazing at the snow along the sidewalk, and all of a sudden, I saw an old and dead bee's nest. Honey comb shapes and all. I broke off a chunk and took it home with me. Now I have a dead bee's nest in my room and a dead bee in my locker. Match is match perfect perfect perfectt Ratatat is awesome and so are a majority of the songs on the royal tennenbaums soundtrack. I'm in looooveee oh and I should tell you, I haven't shaved my legs in 29 days, how do you like that LIVEJOURNAL!?! I don't know why. I'm too fucking lazy. And our shower drain has been clogged for weeks so it wouldn't work out very well anyways. PS tomorrow are my two last studio crits in my two FAVORITE classes and I couldn't be more heartbroken. I love Matthew Weber and Jed, props RIP 2 put their gun to my head|this is only wishful thinking

[14 Dec 2005|01:17am] I need a phone call / I need a plane ride / I need a sunburn; I need a raincoat I need to leave right now. I need to go home and see mom and dad and my dog that is reoccurringly dead in every other night's dreams. My apartment has too many memories around every single corner that I do not know how to deal with right now. The road I drive to and from school on has too many memories around every single slight curve in the road that I do not know how to deal with right now. I want this chunk of my life to end right now and I want to forget and move on and feel good and feel great and maybe deal with it again when school starts again. For now for the love of god I need things to change. Although I know that when I go home I will be in the same fucking prediciment I am now. I know this for sure. 4 put their gun to my head|this is only wishful thinking

[13 Dec 2005|09:30pm] I've been sleeping so strange at night. Seriously. I've been having loads of short dreams about people that I want to see. When I wake up, I'm never sure if what happened was real or not. Like, did my text message ring really ring? Did he really say that? When I really think about them, I realize they were in fact just dreams. And then I fall into a bitter and worthless mood because I know I know I know. And then there's a weird and empty feeling in my guts and another weird feeling that I can't explain, it's like butterflies but sharper anxiousness. this is only wishful thinking

[12 Dec 2005|10:29pm] Man, I'm really really hungry. I wish Doug and I didn't eat up the last of my food supply like my macaroni and cheeses and rice and tuna fishes. I haven't legitimately gone grocery shopping since the end of August. How irresponsible. I'll probably starve. Photo final: completed and critiqued. It went o.k. I think, no one had much to say about it because I was the last to go and we were running late and everyone wanted to go home. Oh well. Never taking photo again. next; Nutrition final: Wednesday. I was sitting in the hallway tonight before our crit and I looked down and saw a dead bee. Andy said he watched it decline earlier after I told him I wondered if it had been alive recently or if it was left over from warmer days. This is odd because I always thought bees died or hibernated or or dreamed or did whatever bees do during the winter. But this one was in the art building. How did he survive? I picked him up by the front leg and put him in my locker. For safe keeping and studying. this is only wishful thinking

[12 Dec 2005|12:31am] There was another fucking dead deer on the side of the main road that leads to my apartment again tonight. Every freaking time I go down that road I see at least one new dead thing. Tonight's was enormous. And everytime I see a dead deer, I legitimately cry because it's really that sad. That deer was someone's mom or dad. And now they've been fucking plowed over by a giant heep of metal. The other night I saw one and it had a fucking orange tag on it, like the orange tags they put on dead and abandoned cars on the side of the highway. "Pick this one up!" Obviously. It's a dead fucking deer. 1 put their gun to my head|this is only wishful thinking

[10 Dec 2005|10:32pm] I tried to print and construct my book I'm making for design but magically, every single printer in the art building was out of service. Great! So I didn't. Tonight Jessie, Peter, and I saw the Chronicles of Narnia. It was very nice and good. The first one, the cartoon one, was magical and I forgot how much I loved i t when I was smaller. "Jessie, was that movie better than Harry Potter four?" "...mmm, ... no." "Dang .... I REALLY need to see Harry Potter! ....... because that was FUCKING AWESOME" I really can't handle this, by the way. It's just not workingat this rate I'll be a pile of waste this is only wishful thinking

[09 Dec 2005|03:25pm] I'm going outside now. I have to drive my car to school maybe I'll crash on the way there; there's a lot of snow. I thought about this;I know there's words that we will never speak and the questions can't be answered easily but I wanted to be easy so nod your head if the plans have changed shake it love if they've stayed the same smile at me and I will stay start to cry and I'll go away just please don't leave me guessing. So you made me come, then you sent me away like a messenger bird so I circled the earth blown away in the wind but I always returned Fuck I'm frusterated timeto go drown myself in work and hopefully temporarily forget about all this this is only wishful thinking

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